Lucky Me

Incredible. I just had one of those experiences that I hope I remember for my lifetime. I am not terribly mushy about mothering, I LOVE Oliver with an intensity that sometimes even surprises me, but I don’t ever see myself making blogposts about how I just love mothering and all that it entails. BUT, I just had such a powerful experience that brought me to tears. Oli and I were doing our normal bedtime routine, bath playtime, lotion, pj’s, and books. Oliver loves books and reading, sometimes he will sit for 30 mins or more reading books. That is a lot for a not quite 2.5 year old. But some nights we just don’t get much reading in because we spent too much time playing or battling about putting on clothes or watching one of his many favorite movies (right now Tangled and Veggie Tales Jonah are on the top of the list). Even on a bad night we usually read at least 2 books, and they are usually of his choosing. He is VERY particular about what books we read, and usually vetos any of my suggestions just on principle, even if they were his favorite books last week. So I usually just ask him to pick the books, but tonight I picked a few of my favorites that we have not read with as much frequency in the last few weeks.

I picked, The Bear Snores On, Little Bird Biddle Bird, and Little Boat, and he picked Buzz to the Rescue. Oliver has a great memory, even way back in the fall when he was only 20 or so months, he could pipe in the last word of every sentence in the Buzz book. I paused one night and he just inserted the correct word, so I kept trying it, and he kept knowing the next one. Now he can do most of the full sentences, mind you they are simple three word sentences, but still, he is just over 2! So I wasn’t surprised when he did the Buzz one. I didn’t even try with the Bear Snores On, but I did on Little Bird and Little Boat and I was bowled over! Especially Little Bird Biddle bird, I would say we have not even read it in the last 3 weeks and he remembered full sentences in some parts and the last few words of at least every single sentence. I mean I could kind of see if we read it EVERY SINGLE DAY, and multiple times a day, if he would remember some things, but we have not read it in WEEKS.

Then came the real thing that honestly brought me to tears. Little Boat. This is a book we have only had since December, and we read it regularly, but not more than a few times a week at most, and sometimes we go a week without reading it at all. I had never tried to test his memory with it and I almost died when he literally read THE ENTIRE BOOK FROM MEMORY!!!! I started the first page by leaving out just the last two words, but on the second page, he told me the last two words of the first half of the sentence plus added on the remainder, so we just kept going. Let’s just get some perspective on this here are the words:

The ocean is a big place, and I am just a little boat

But I chart my own course and I drop my own anchor.

The sea is always changing and full of dangers, but I sail on…

Through terrible storms…

Up and down rolling waves…

Past giant sea monsters…

And around treacherous rocks, in search of…

My friends!

Together, we dive down to the bottom…

And climb up to the top.

We go round and round in circles…

And never want to stop.

Full steam ahead to the edge of the world…

And still I sail on…

Because now no ocean it too big…

For a little boat like me.

I was honestly speechless. He honestly recited that entire thing to me from memory. Of course he left out a few words here and there, and I sometimes gave him the first word of the sentence to get him going, but still! I got teary eyed, which seemed to scare Oliver a little bit, but I just had this moment of, “Who are you little amazing creature? And why on earth was I so lucky to be entrusted with you?” I have no clue why he can do this. It is certainly not something I pushed, just something I noticed that he can do, but even I was shocked at the level of memorization he demonstrated tonight. I mean, come on… treacherous! What 2 year old knows the word treacherous! Now comes the cheesy part, but seriously, what a blessing to be a part of this human being, this divine being’s journey here on this planet. It was so amazing to witness something so innate in him, I feel like so often I am trying to get him to do something or act someway, there is so much of me in the process of him, that I guess I sometimes don’t see what an independent creature he is. He is on his own journey here, I just get to be a part of it. I need to remember this more often. My heart just swelled with love and appreciation for this wonderful kid. This kid that had to be cut from my stomach, this kid that turned my world upside down, that challenged my very sense of self and adequacy, this kid that I feel like even as a tiny baby was giving me a run for my money! This kid IS such a gift in my life. I think for at least the first year of his life I had to keep convincing myself of that. That may sound strange, but motherhood came awkwardly to me, I think part of that is just me, and part of that was that he was such a fiery baby, he just wanted so much, and wanted it always before he could have it. Honestly as a baby he scared me. Some women really enjoy the baby phase of life. I am not one of them, in fact the thought of having another child gives me the heeby jeebies because I know I have to go through all of babyhood again (but that is an entry for another day!). I feel like I have finally settled into motherhood and this moment of insight just solidifies this.

So to you, my little Oliver. Thank you for the journey so far. Thank you for changing my life and my priorities, and my desires, my being, and even my body forever. Thank you for making me smile and roll my eyes every day. Thank you for giving me moments of insight. Thank you for being you; your fiery “my-spirit-is-too-big-for-my-body” you. Your Mama loves you, every bit of you, from the parts that are so easy to love like the way you give kisses away like they are going out of style, and the way you are always saying things that I think , “I have to write that down! That is hilarious!,” to the parts that challenge me like your stubbornness and ability to flail and whack about. I love ALL of you.